Jesus (formerly known as Mithra, also by the alias Apollo) has been very busy lately. Has he been answering prayers for peace, or an end to suffering, or for a loved one to make a miraculous recovery? No. He’s been showing up, apparently unbidden, on, well pretty much any flat surface that will have him. Previously, this seemed to be more the purview of his mom (or maybe just his mom’s vagina,) but she’s getting old, so now he has to go out and trigger our pattern-matching reflexes himself.

First stop, Ohio. I don’t see Jesus in this picture. I see something far more sinister: a grey alien with long hair!

Next up is Jesus in the shower. This is obviously another mis-identification. That’s none other than Pete Townshend in that shower!

Meanwhile, down in Fort Worth, he’s shown up on a window. Nope. There’s nothing there. What the fuck? Are these people blind? Oh, wait. That one lady said she was blind until she touched the glass. But then why was she wearing glasses? (See the slide show.) Anyway, they tried to move it. But it broke. But the non-existent image was on the unbroken part. So’s okay.

In Detroit, two sisters who were divinely guided to be sloppy painters accidentally created this image. Personally, I think it looks like a side view of this character from Star Trek: Insurrection. Why the sisters would immortalize a character from such a crappy movie is beyond me.

Now, we all know that Jesus has many super-powers, but I didn’t know super-shrinking was one of them. Let’s see… god flosses those who floss themselves? Don’t forget to use Christ toothpaste? Four out of five dentists recommend Jesus for their patients who chew Christ?

What unmitigated idiocy.

Of course, I’m not immune to the occasional bout of wishful thinking. I once saw Einstein’s head in a crumpled up piece of cellophane. Then it uncrumpled a little and looked instead like Carrot Top. So I threw it out.