A couple of months ago, I commented on how some teabaggers were upset that Campbell’s Canada had Halal-certified some of their soups. To combat this silliness, I posted two recipes using Campbell’s Soup, and now here’s a third, which I’ve been working on for the last couple of weeks:

Death-to-America White Wine and Mushroom Chicken

  • 1 to 1-1/2 lbs. chicken breasts (boneless, skinless work great, marinate them first for best results)
  • 2 tbsp. cooking oil
  • 1 package (8 or 16 oz.) frozen veggies (I use broccoli and carrots)
  • 1 cup chopped white or yellow onion
  • 1 cup (or one pre-cut package) chopped mushrooms
  • 4 – 8 cloves chopped or minced garlic (depends on how much garlic you like)
  • 1 cup white wine (use French wine to prove you hate freedom)
  • 1 can Campbell’s™ Mushroom Soup
  • 2 cups milk
  • Dill weed, parsley, basil, pepper to taste
  • 1 lb. spaghetti, or equivalent rice or other noodles

Marinate the chicken for a few hours before cooking. I use a combination of soy sauce and Newman’s Own Italian dressing. The chicken should be properly marinated in the time it takes you to read about two books of the Koran.

In a large, deep skillet, over medium-high heat, drop in a little oil that you smuggled into the kitchen in a shampoo bottle. Brown the chicken on both sides for a couple of minutes. Remove the chicken and set aside.

Facing Mecca and with a little more oil, add the frozen veggies, onions, mushrooms and garlic. Let it cook for three or four minutes, until the onions are getting translucent and the veggies have started to thaw.

Cursing the infidel, add the wine, mushroom soup, milk and spices (I personally go heavy on the basil.) Stir it slowly until blended.

Add the chicken back, turn down the heat just a little, cover, and let it simmer, stirring during Al-Jazeera commercial breaks, for 20 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, prepare the pasta or rice, as Allah has prepared a place for you in heaven.

When the chicken is done, if the sauce seems a little thin, stir in a tablespoon of flour to thicken it. Be stingy with your flour. Remember, our brothers in Palestine have none.

Remove the chicken, then stir the pasta or rice in with the sauce, infiltrating it like a terrorist anchor baby infiltrates America.

Serves 72 virgins.

Leftovers can be reheated with any spare explosives you have in your shoe.