News from October 19

Senator Ted Kennedy attempted to rescue six men who were trapped on storm-drenched rocks near his home in Hyannisport. The Senator went out in a boat, but was forced back by rough waters and eventually left the rescue to local firefighters. Ted Kennedy is now 0 for 2.

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers briefly lost her ability to practice law earlier this year because of non-payment of bar association dues. President Bush commented, “Not only has she never been a judge, for a while there she wasn’t even a lawyer! Come on! How much more qualified can you get!?!?!?”

Antonio Banderas received a star on the Walk of Fame Tuesday. At the ceremony, he described his arrival as a penniless actor in Hollywood: Every night I would gaze out the window at a billboard. On it, I could see the face of a beautiful woman. Blond, pensive. It said, “Melanie Griffith. Working Girl.” And I thought to myself, “Oh, if only she were a man.”

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld visited China this week. Mr. Rumsfeld lectured party officials saying they should embrace democracy and free speech. Chinese officials described his speech as, “Very amusing.”

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